you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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