she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How does one acquire holy water?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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