dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do vagina's smell?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
