OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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