can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
