he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's blow job season.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
