Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
