so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
