Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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