Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
