ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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