Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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