I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
