I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
