I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
