so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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