Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
True strength comes from lack of pants
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