fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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