My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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