Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize