HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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