And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
