Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
