party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
