sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
love makes seman taste better
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize