Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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