We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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