So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
