Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
