guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
