Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
