i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
