I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
