Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
