Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
