i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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