I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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