We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize