I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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