apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
