I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
