I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
