Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
