things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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