I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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