using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
