I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
