Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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