Already got asked if we're dating
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
