I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
