I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Success! We fucked roommates!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
