my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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