Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There r osticjed everywhere
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
