are you still at the devil's house?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize