I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
