we have officially lost it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
