i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize