i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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