I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
