Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
