My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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