im six kinds of drunk right now
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
