I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
