so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
