Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
