Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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