she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
